Friday, February 15, 2008

Valentine's Day Gone Way Wrong

Let me take a moment to tell all you blog stalkers (this is what most of you reading this are) a little bit about a well-intentioned but really pretty bad V-day. Now I need to start this blog posting with a disclaimer.

Disclaimer: the only redeeming factors of yesterday's festivities came from my dear wife Steff.

So here's how it went down.

Things started off fine... actually, things started off good. Due to the major snowstorm the night before, my boss gave me a free pass to work from home for the morning. I decided to take advantage of the freedom and make Steff a V-day breakfast (first good intention). I decided to go for crepes... pink crepes. I whipped them up fast, fed the kids and was waiting for my darling to descend from getting ready for the day.

Steff comes down ready to go workout at the gym. Her appointment is in a short 20 minutes so of course she can't load up on crepes before she goes in to work out or she'll yack (good intention #1 goes awry = Strike one).

So as the day progresses, we take care of a number of things that need to get done, Winston goes to pre-school and Charlie goes to Kids Who Count. We find ourselves at dinner time.

Steff has planned out a fabulous dinner which goes off without a hitch. She's got ribeye steaks for us, and adds twice baked potatoes, cabbage crunch salad, fresh rolls, and sparkling apple juice in spiffy goblets. Man, it was good.

Following dinner I'm wobbling around, doing my best to let her rest (good intention), and getting the kids down for the night (which she ends up doing the bulk of anyways). Upon getting the kids down for the night, I flop on the couch for our favorite time of the night...

For my enjoyment, Steff whips out dessert.

Yes! Chocolate dipped strawberries and an individual molton chocolate cake with a bit of ice cream on the side. Good grief it was good.

Now, up to this point, I think I've done OK. Yeah, I blew breakfast, but we've had the chance to be together all day, I've helped out with the kids (changed a stinky diaper), and done a few dishes to boot. Pretty good right?

Now starts the downhill slide...

First let me preface this by saying that we did decide earlier that we 'were not going to get each other gifts this year.' That being said, we always get each other something small. Let's just say my gift was along the lines of edible underwear and she got me the Tiger Woods golf game I've been wanting ever since we got the Wii. Ouch... Strike two.

Undaunted, I quickly plan out my final plan for salvaging my end of V-day. Now, let me just add a quick interjection here for other males out there who may find themselves in this situation in the future: ad hoc, spontanaity and randomness are not good qualities when it comes to planning out their special day. Yes, they may've married you in part becasue they were attracted to these qualities, but I assure you, they are not desirable at this time.

So, onward with my last good intention, and its pretty bad so I'm just going to get it right out there. Steff has been working out quite a bit lately. In my desire to make up ground, I told Steff I'd wrap up the evening by massaging her sore muscles. Here's a short story made shorter... I fell asleep in the middle of the massage. Definitely, definitely, definitely strike three.

So, for the all the blog stalkers to see, I am sorry Steff for not holding up my end of the V-day operation, even though you were more than gracious about it. I'll do what I can to right this ship...


Meet the Yardley's said...

matt, you are SO done! this whole post cracks me up. love the edible underwear part. im sure steff LOVED that! ;) also, the post about charlie kills me. genious idea!

Nat said...

Poor poor pitiful Matt, and poor poor steff that had to be left with a sleeping husband instead of a nice massage! Hey, by the way, we will be waiting for a guitar hero invite any day now. :)

Brian and Elizabeth Shelley said...

HA!!!!! Matt you kill me! That is too funny...

Tammy said... THAT was funny! That is serisously hysterical. At least you remembered. Chad gave me my V-day gift in January and then totally forgot! Oh well. Love the falling asleep during the massage. Is that possible? I guess so.

tyler said...

Natalie falls asleep scratching my back all the time, usually within the first 60 seconds...literally. I have to say, good job on the rest though. I think I did good on my gift to Nat(Hale Center Theater season passes and Nat got me a Swedish Massage!), but I totally slacked on the whole breakfast thing. From one slouch to another...I think you should get a passing grade!

d/b/c/m said...

totally laughing! so funny (to me, at least, because I'm not steph!) but, to give you credit, she would be hard to match.